PAIN and a peculiar fear

I woke up this morning determined to be better than I was yesterday. And it worked, except for the progressively worse pain shooting down my arm. The extra-strength fast release Tylenol did nothing. Stretching, raising my arm? Nothing. I'm certain that I'm just a bad side sleeper and that I've done something to a nerve in my shoulder. I'm certain that it's fine and won't affect our baby. My ability to concentrate at work, though? It's shot.

I realized during my day of rather sharp, almost severe, abdominal pain last week that I have strange coping skills. I had gone to sleep Thursday night feeling achy, like I had pulled a stomach muscle. I woke up Friday morning and felt fine, until...I moved. Changing positions, standing, walking, any movement sent shooting pains from my ribs down to my pubic bones. Luckily I didn't panic, and recognized that this wasn't cramping and most likely was totally normal. I got ready for work and made it to the bus stop slowly.

Sometime on my walk from the bus to work I had an odd sense of deja-vu. You know when certain smells trigger memories? Well, it was the same sort of thing, except it wasn't a smell, it was a movement. Walking from the bus stop to work I suddenly felt like I was a child and had an ear infection. It was the strangest thing. Then I realized, I was moving rhythmically and counting. It's something I haven't done in years, but when I was a child with chronic infections (nothing major: ear injections, strep throat, scarlet fever and all the -ituses) I used to shake my head from side to side and count. It helped the time pass and numbed the pain.

I'm kind of glad I have those coping skills now, even if they aren't perhaps the healthiest ones. They help me get through the day when my preferred method of coping (lots of ibuprofen) is not allowed. This strange sensation made me realize that I've lived through painful things before. I can survive this pregnancy. I'm not afraid of labor. I can handle the physical pain of it all, although I certainly don't promise not to complain about it.

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So my peculiar fear...I was talking to BG recently - we had just gone grocery shopping, which is always a bigger deal than it should be - and expressed my fear of cooking chicken when our child begins eating solid food.

Huh? I just said I wasn't afraid of labor, but the idea of cooking chicken in -  I don't know, when do kids start eating meat? 10 months? - in more than a year is something I feel the need to worry about now?

I have so many thoughts about how I am or am not going to incorporate meat into our child's diet that I probably talked for 20 minutes before BG proclaimed that there must be something more immediate to worry about...like labor. But no, the only thing that scares me about labor (besides the potential for an epidural, but I'm sure than fear can be overcome if need be) is the idea that I may have to have an IV for hours. And not be able to eat. But those aren't really fears. I just hate IVs, and I get grumpy when I haven't eaten. Also, I don't even know if that's the policy at our hospital, but either way I'll deal with it.

If BG wants me to worry about immediate things, I have plenty of un-articulated fears about our fetal survey ultrasound next week. I think, though, he probably just wanted me to stop talking about raw chicken.